The Barn

Natural Awesomeness

2011-04-05T13:50:00.000-07:00

http://www.raptorresource.org/falcon_cams/index.html

Very, very cool.

Dear Senator Snowe,

2011-02-12T08:58:00.000-08:00

I met you several times while I was a TSA screener at the Portland Jetport (I was there during the attempt to "rightsize" our crew into oblivion, thank you for stepping in), and as a contract screener before that, performing occasional hand wand screenings on you and your heels in the old co-ed days :), and always found you to be pleasant and reasonable (which cannot be said about everyone I met at the checkpoint). Your reputation as a sensibly moderate senator also encouraged me to write to you with this concern.

My positive impression of your character is why I am confident that you will agree with me, when I propose that this country is in need of a law or constitutional amendment that prohibits the government from ever limiting the secure, private ability of the population to communicate via any means, most particularly electronic means, including cell phones and the Internet, encrypted or not. In the same way that the 2nd Amendment ensures that the government can never disarm the people, now that the people's voices can finally be heard beyond their own town councils, we need something which prevents the government from ever again keeping them in the dark or silencing them.

Recent events in Saudi Arabia, China, Iran, Egypt and elsewhere have shown the danger of government having their hand on the Internet's and the cellular network's "off switches", and it is a much larger danger than state-run media. With the Internet, people who take the time to look have more access to the truth than ever before, regardless of what the media or government publishes, and more access to each other than ever before, which gives them the power, for once in history. Internet anonymity and solidarity encourages speaking out about injustice and mobilizes loud, international public support like nothing ever seen before, and scandals like clerical abuse or war crimes or other miscarriages of justice can then be investigated independently, instead of being buried in-house. State-run or corporate-owned propaganda media become obvious, irrelevant, powerless and laughable when they are no longer the only source of information. The Internet is a Hot Line to the horse's mouth.

Recent events have also shown the beginnings of the Internet's true, vital worth, and its potential to do more for the poor and oppressed and uneducated of humankind than any previous advancement since agriculture. It is the ability of a poor, uneducated person inside the depths of some hopeless place to first realize that not everyone has to live like he does and that neither should he, then the ability to let the world know his plight, and then the ability of the world to hound and shame that nation into doing what's right. At no point in history have we had this kind of access to information with which to make our own proper judgments, or the chance to demand this level of accountability from governments, and it is a precious thing that has only just been born, and it needs nurturing. Imagine how long a regime like North Korea's could last, had their people free, unfettered access to what the rest of the world sees. Ten minutes, maybe? Imagine how much longer President Mubarak would have remained in power without the Internet. Would Saddam Hussein have left, had Twitter been around in 1990?

A recent story here about the FCC splitting the Internet into different systems based on fees immediately rang an alarm bell in my mind (http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2010-12-21/net-neutrality-ruling-the-fcc-splits-the-internet-in-two/), because if there are two separate Internets, a slow, spotty cheap one for the little people and a smooth, fast expensive one for the big players (you know it will work that way, it always does, look at the difference in customer service between residential and corporate-class internet or phone service), it will leave the influence-less bulk of the people kept in the dark and more vulnerable than ever to the rich special interest/government partnership that we all know runs Washington. Wall Street and churches run the far right, unions and professional victims run the far left, and they both run the rest of us down in their dash for the cash. We are in the middle of yet another mess that is not of our own making, and we are tired of it. And we are living in a time when the people are demanding more power and control over their own lives, not less, and more and more of us are not willing to take no for an answer any more, as the recent demonstrations and elections have illustrated to any who are paying attention.

If there are two separate Internets, it would be all too easy for the government or corporations to shut things down for the little people under the pretense of needing all the bandwidth for some emergency, while corporate or government interests continue to be free to run things as they see fit. Simple economic pressures like weather could easily give the same result without malfeasance, as you know where the bulk of the maintenance budget will go. You also know who will get service and who will not if there's an earthquake.

Perhaps you think that's paranoid. I'm sure some folks said that about the 1st and 2nd Amendments too, but I think it is perfectly in line with the basic principles of this country. It's not about suspecting any particular administration or group of people of nefarious intent, or claiming that there is a high probability of tyranny if we don't watch them every second. It's about doing your best to make nefarious deeds impossible for anyone to commit, so that no one tries, and saves us all the bother. The TSA can't trust that every sweet lil' cookie-baking grandmother, or Senator or pilot for that matter, has good intentions. Nor does it try to guess the relative likelihood of any of those people exercising such bad intentions, instead it does its best to eliminate the possibility of anyone at all exercising bad intentions. The Constitution doesn't trust that the basic goodness of American politicians will prevent tyranny in government, it does its best to ensure that tyranny is impossible to commit, and ensuring Internet freedom and “hands off” from the government is perhaps the most important example of that to ever come up, given the immense power it gives the ordinary citizen. We should not now trust to that goodness alone to protect the true, vital core of modern freedom of speech, which is not flag-burning and political insults, but the freedom to share thoughts and ideas and complaints, and to organize, and to demand change and not stop until we get it. We're tired of waiting for change to come from another politician like we've been doing forever, and with little to show for it except change for the worse. This is the only way for the people to be as loud as the special interests, and it must be preserved and reinforced.

Honest, sincere democratic government should be in favor of this on general principles anyway, because freedom and speed of communication also lets them know the will of the people much more efficiently than at any time in the history of the country (they do still care about the will of the people, don't they, some of them at least?). They can have a virtually nationwide referendum on any subject within hours of asking the question. And whether they like it or not, the people have found their voice, and will use it, and will not give it up without a fight. This is their right of all rights. It is a lesson that both parties and the traditional media need to learn, if they hope to exist past 2012.

People greatly admire the lonely, brave soul who broadcasts for the people on his ham radio from the darkness of some oppressed population, never knowing when charging boots will smash in his door. How much more would they admire a Senator who ensures that it is literally impossible for her people to ever need to resort to ham radio again?

We should automatically strive to lead the world in democracy and freedom and individual rights by default, to lead by supreme example, should we not? If we wish to inspire more nations to demand democratic reforms, to urge this growing wave of democracy to spread further into the world, to universalize education for anyone who can read based on demonstrable facts instead of limiting it to those who can pay, to keep this traditional idea of American “goodness” alive, and to not appear to be hypocrites, should we not be taking every opportunity to expand, clarify and cement forever our own freedoms? Imagine if their had been bloggers in Vietnam in 1962. The Cold War would have ended by 1970 if we had had the Internet, and saved how much in lives and resources? And yes, I'm going to subject myself to Godwin's Law and ask, what would have happened in Europe in 1936, had there been an internet? Anne Frank's diary would probably have been published while she was still alive (if it had even still needed to be written).

What better legacy for you and Maine to give the nation and the world, than to have written the "Snowe Amendment" (has a nice ring to it), to finally and irrevocably shift the real power to the people by ensuring that they finally, always have the right to speak out as loudly as do the special interests, to communicate and connect freely and privately, and to inspire even more people to take their destinies into their own hands as have the people of Egypt. The real, meaningful, historic opportunities to advance the cause of democracy and equality, and to assault ignorance and poverty and prejudice, are few and far between these days, and you should seize this one with both hands.

Thank you for your time,

Cowcharge

One west two west red west blue west

2011-02-05T04:42:00.000-08:00

Yo, Charlie Sheen. When porn whores say you look like shit, you know you have a problem

2011-02-03T18:23:00.000-08:00

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2011/01/exclusive-charlie-sheen-breaks-silence-tells-radar-im-fine-people-dont-seem-get

"People don't seem to get it.... Guy can't have a great time and do his job also?"

Apparently not, since your show is now on hiatus while you dry out. Again. Who doesn't get it?

Those whiny crew members complaining about losing their salaries because you're wasted all the time, what ingrates, huh.

How stupid do you have to be to still be doing coke in 2011?

Russia becomes a cargo cult

2011-01-28T06:50:00.000-08:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/eu_russia_terror;_ylt=Am55ZVVJfsBq1HQmwZuf8HB2wPIE;_ylu=X3oDMTJ1aGxtMWhsBGFzc2V0Ay9zL2FwL2V1X3J1c3NpYV90ZXJyb3IEY2NvZGUDbXBfZWNfOF8xMARjcG9zAzcEcG9zAzcEc2VjA3luX3RvcF9zdG9yaWVzBHNsawNydXNzaWF0b2NvbG8-

MOSCOW – Russia's parliament on Friday aims to pass a law creating color-coded terrorist threat alerts, a measure rushed forward in the wake of the Moscow airport bombing that left 35 dead and raised questions about the country's ability to handle attacks.

They're building a Homeland Security Headquarters out of bamboo and palm fronds as we speak.

Should pit bulls be a controlled substance?

2011-01-27T07:36:00.000-08:00

– Wed Jan 26, 3:30 am ET

New York – Parents of a boy fatally mauled by a pit bull want lawmakers in Texas to make it a felony to own one of the dogs. Does the breed deserve its bad reputation?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/theweek/20110126/cm_theweek/211401

I've met three pit bulls, one old sweetie I knew well and loved, one I met briefly that seemed calm and friendly, and the third one was BIG, and uncontrollably aggressive, protective and territorial, and its owner admitted that she couldn't hold him when he went after someone. And she was not by any means a tiny woman, and he went after most everyone. To the point where when I showed up just as she was taking him outside to pee, I had to wait in my car until he was locked in the bedroom again before I could come in the house. And it was the same owner who had the sweet, gentle pit bull that I loved, so it wasn't anything she did. But this big one was simply uncontrollable.
I got bitten once in Navy housing by a nondescript yellow mutt who ambushed me from hiding as soon as I got within his chain's radius, and the sullen owner had the nerve to say it was because it was a "Southern dog", lol (it got put down later for biting a kid). Idiot. And as a raised-by-collies dog lover, normally I'd say that there are no bad dogs, only bad owners. Or I'd like to be able to say that. But the pit bull reputation didn't come about just from rednecks not playing with them enough.
You can't ignore the high attack numbers. And you can't just ignore the facts that they were (and continue to be) intentionally bred to make them more aggressive, and that it would take many, many generations to re-breed them to get rid of that aggression, and that's only if every breeder cooperated. The history of the breeding of many of their blood lines leaves them with a default aggressive gene no matter how any particular puppy is raised now, and without a concerted effort to dilute those bloodlines and rehabilitate the breed, the bad breeders will always have a head start in breeding bad dogs. It takes a more educated and diligent owner to raise a pit bull safely than it does a golden, because goldens want to love everybody. It's HARD to make a mean golden. While pit bulls really are closer to pumas than they are golden retrievers in the care that must be taken, because they can live peacefully for years, having not yet encountered a trigger, and then go off on someone without warning because of some Pavlovian trigger planted in their genes 100 years ago, like some particular cowbell sound they traditionally used to start the fights or something, the equivalent of a red cape to a bull. They're not a dog that you can risk just teaching to sit and throwing tennis balls for them and consider that training. And regardless of how "unfair" or unfortunate or sympathy-inspiring it might be for the breed to be singled out, they are animals who if improperly raised are dangerous, not oppressed humans with legal "rights". They were already unfairly singled out when people started raising them to tear each other to bits, and they need reprogramming, like the rogue killers in those super-soldier, you-made-me-this-way-with-your-experiments movies. They are unable to change their own instinctual behavior, so it's entirely up to their owners to protect the rest of us from their potential for violence, and not just apologize after an attack. And it's up to the breeders to start reversing the aggressive breeding. I'm not saying destroying them or prohibiting their purchase is the answer, I don't know what the answer is, but you can't ignore that they are fundamentally different from other breeds, made that way on purpose, and that must be taken into account both in deciding whether to buy one and in any legislation proposed.

A few of the old questions

2011-01-25T08:00:00.000-08:00

1. Chicken or the egg? Stupid question, egg of course. Laid by some bird that was one chromosome away from being a chicken but didn't quite have the nads to get there. Chickensh-wait a minute...

2. Who'd a-thunk it?
"It's true! It's true! The crown has made it clear.
The climate must be perfect all the year.
A law was made a distant moon ago here:
July and August cannot be too hot.
And there's a legal limit to the snow here
In Camelot"
is not an anti-global-warming parody. I watched Richard Harris sing it on YouTube to make sure.

3. Apparently the 12 Oscar nominations for "The King's Speech" are not for Obama's State of the Union speech. Forgive me, I thought the Nobel probably set a legal precedent. Sorry.

4. Does a tree falling in the forest alone still make a sound? Of course it does, dumbass. Is whether a tree can actually exist, or only the idea of "treeness", really that important a distinction to make when your car plows into an oak at a hundred and ten? Did you really pay money to study that crap for four years?

Now that Anonymous is involved...

2010-12-09T09:08:00.000-08:00

... the real fight begins. Assange and his little troup have become insignificant, you watch.

Maine's wind power scam is a disgusting joke.

2010-12-08T06:30:00.001-08:00

An open letter to Senators Collins and Snowe (feel free to copy and redistribute if'n you wanna):

Dear Senators Collins and Snowe,
I am writing to beg you both to do something about an impending disaster, the worst environmental and economic disaster in Maine history, and all sponsored by the government: Wind power.

Without the huge government subsidies and back room permit procedures, none of those wind companies could stay in business. First Wind is having a hard time staying in business even WITH the subsidies and the government's statutory support.

Maine already has a surplus of about 15% in electric power, and more than half of our generation is already powered by renewable, "clean" technology like hydro and biomass. We are one of the cleanest states in the country in that respect (but still have some of the highest electricity rates, not good for attracting new businesses). Most of the rest is generated with natural gas, as I'm sure you already know. Wind power will NOT "lessen our dependency on foreign oil", since we don't use oil to generate electricity. Nor can it replace dirty coal that we don't use.

Nor will it lessen our need for the conventional generators that we already have. Due to the unreliability of wind and its refusal to schedule strong breezes during peak energy consumption times, those conventional generators must remain online in standby, burning fuel, in order to prevent outages when the wind fluctuates. The German government found they must keep an 80% backup capacity in conventional generation ready to go at all times. You can't just start those plants up and shut them down every five minutes as the windspeed fluctuates, you have to keep them running, all the time, to prevent shortages.

Maine is a very low-wind-resource state. I ask you to look at the government-issued wind map of the United States, where you will see that the only place in the lower 48 that has enough reliable wind to make wind turbines a good deal is in the flat, windy center of the nation. Nowhere in this state does the average wind top 12-14 mph, and industrial wind turbines require around 27 mph winds just to start generating more power than they need to power themselves. Betz' Law limits the extraction of energy from wind to 59.3%, and that's assuming a perfect airfoil and absolutely no losses from friction, delays in adjusting to changing wind directions etc., which everyone knows is impossible. In many areas they end up being net power users. Even in the midwest you see farms of immobile turbines, due to unreliability and low winds.

Maine has Class IV wind levels in virtually the whole state, and GE doesn't even make turbines that operate in Class IV winds. They are not economically viable, because you can't get the RPMs needed to generate useful power out of winds that most of the time won't keep a kite aloft. Would you spend billions to build oil wells on land that produced ten barrels of crude per day? I wouldn't.

As you also probably already know, the peak demands for electric power in Maine occur on hot, steamy summer days, when there's no wind!

Do I need to mention the billions that we'll have to pay for new transmission lines? Billions that will come right out of the taxpayers' pockets, both in government giveaways and higher rates? For AT BEST 25% of the rated power advertised by the manufacturer and a less than 5% increase in our output? Between the subsidies and the higher rates, the taxpayer will be paying for the entire capital cost of these projects, much of which will go to foreign companies. And what do we get in return? A devastated landscape and higher electricity rates and taxes, and less than 5% more electricity that we don't even need.

Do I need to mention the effect even higher electricity rates and taxes will have on the attraction of new businesses to a state that's already too expensive to attract new businesses?

Do I need to mention the cost of recovery from another ice storm, when on top of the normal ice storm damage, those turbines and their transmission lines go down in the middle of nowhere? Wind turbines do NOT like cold climates, much less icing conditions. After all, an airfoil coated with ice is just as inefficient and prone to failure on a wind turbine blade as it is on the wing of an airliner. Probably more so, since they are not designed to take the loads that aircraft wings must survive.

Do I need to remind you of the economic disaster that clearcutting and blasting 300 miles of mountain tops will cause to our tourism industry ('bout the only industry left in the state)? The damage to our "quality of place"? Governor Baxter would roll over in his grave if he could see the future view from the top of Katahdin. You might as well just erase the last 300 miles of the Appalachian Trail while you're at it, because who wants to backpack through the helicopter scene from Apocalypse Now? Or just put a few McDonald's restaurants and casinos up there next to the trail huts, since it will no longer be anything like a wilderness.

Jobs? What jobs? Six months of construction work and a handful of guys in the control rooms, that's it. Is that worth all this destruction? Ask the Spanish government about the economic viability of investing in so-called "green" jobs, they published a recent study that showed just how misguided and expensive that idea is.

So why are the state and federal governments endorsing the destruction of 300 miles of mountain tops for no reason? Wind lobbyists and the mistaken belief that we're "being green". That's it. Not only are there virtually no economic or environmental benefits, it actually makes things worse in both respects. Do you want this to happen on your watch?

Remember the knee-jerk bandwagon of biofuels that everyone jumped on because they were so "green"? Well, they turned out to generate more pollution from clearing the land than the fuels they were meant to replace.

Again, I beg of you, educate yourselves on this scam before it's too late. Save the life of our state. Please.
Thank you for your time,
Cowcharge (Real name and address removed)
p.s. For the record, I have no financial, business or political interests of any kind in this issue. The only dog I have in this fight is the one who loves trees.

Religious indoctrination over generations and centuries...

2010-07-30T07:27:00.001-07:00

is the same thing as selective dog breeding. Using Pavlovian religious training, they breed out individual thought, imagination, and halt the evolution of the mind, then replace it with learning by rote, blind obedience and self-denial. After all, it's an unthinking guard breed that they want, isn't it.

To all the weaselly little pricks writing malware.

2010-07-18T09:20:00.000-07:00

Blow me. I beat you again. And by the way, do you advertisers really expect me to buy something when you jam your ads in my face? Really? Fat chance. I will go far, far out of my way to avoid giving anyone who uses pop-ups or adware a dime.

Thank you, Spybot.

http://www.safer-networking.org/index2.html

It's really hard not to laugh...

2010-07-18T09:15:00.000-07:00

Indonesian Muslims told to change prayer direction

Fri Jul 16, 12:02 pm ET

JAKARTA (Reuters) – Indonesia's Muslims learned on Friday they have been praying in the wrong direction, after the country's highest Islamic authority said its directive on the direction of Mecca actually had people facing Africa. Muslims are supposed to face the holy city of Mecca in Saudi Arabia during prayer and the Indonesian Ulema Council (MUI) issued an edict in March stipulating westward was the correct direction from the world's most populous Muslim country.

"But it has been decided that actually the mosques are facing Somalia or Kenya, so we are now suggesting people shift the direction slightly to the north-west," the head of the MUI, Cholil Ridwan, told Reuters. "There's no need to knock down mosques, just shift your direction slightly during prayer." Ridwan said Muslims need not fear that their prayers have been wasted because they were facing the wrong way. "Their prayers will still be heard by Allah," he said.

Said Agil Siradj, head of Indonesia's largest Muslim organization Nahdlatul Ulama, told English language newspaper the Jakarta Globe that the confusion showed the MUI issued edicts too fast and that this was a lesson for them. The MUI has, in the past, issued controversial edicts banning Muslims from chanting during yoga, and from smoking. Indonesia is a majority Muslim but officially secular country.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100716/od_nm/us_indonesia_mecca

I mean, really, really hard...

Did You See That?

2010-07-09T03:14:00.000-07:00

Standin' there at the bar just havin' a beer
after work and nuthin' much to take me home
when I caught some motion out the corner of my eye
It was a babe with a tray and... my oh my

Oh my God did you see that
Oh my God did you see that
I know she's too young, or I'm too old but
Oh my God did you see that

Well I shoulda known better than to do what I did next
But the way she moved put a twistin' on my neck
So I followed her 'round the corner watch her walk up the stairs
I knew it was stupid but I followed her right up there

(I'm tellin' ya, the way her hips moved under that skirt
She could balance that tray, dodge drunks and still flirt)

Caught up with her in the middle of a wailin' reggae crowd
Tried to get her number but the music was too damned loud
From the smile in her eyes I knew she knew what I was after
She put her hand on my arm and said "sure I'll get you a draft, sir"

Oh my God did you see that
Oh my God did you see that
She saw it coming and she stopped me flat
Oh my God did you see that

Well I tucked in my tail retreated back downstairs
chugged my beer had to get the hell out of there
As I was leavin I could hear her laughin' with my friends
Another mistake I'll never hear the end of

Oh my God did you see that
Oh my God did you see that

(He ain't rich enough to be that fat!)

Oh my God did you see that

Insomnia

2010-07-09T03:04:00.000-07:00

One.

Six left, not bad.

Know I dreamed,

but not what it was.

One isn't enough.

Clouds gather.

Two and twenty.

Four-point-six-would be ok.

You in the same boat?

Should I call?

One isn't enough

No more blue.

Three plus eleven.

Less than four is better than one.

Rather dream,

even a nightmare.

One isn't enough.

Cold rain.

Four and a half.

Two and a half, please...

Tried everything,

nothing works.

One isn't enough.

Chaotic winds.

Five and thirty-eight.

One more if I'm lucky.

I check if you're on,

but you're luckier.

One isn't enough.

Lightning strikes.

Six and who-gives-a-fuck.

Too late now.

Resign myself.

Another one gone.

One isn't enough.

A mosque at Ground Zero?

2010-07-09T02:52:00.000-07:00

How comforting it will be for grieving visitors to hear triumphant Arabic calls to prayer echoing across their loved ones' graves 5 times a day. Good job, NYC "Community" Board and Mayor Bloomberg.

A country song called Coon

2010-07-09T02:12:00.000-07:00

Feelin' like a treed coon with all the shit that I been through

There's work and home, and they both suck

And then there's you

Behind 'em with your shotgun, gonna knock me on my ass

I'm feelin' like a treed coon, so barkeep fill my glass

My boss yelled at me again today, get yer lazy ass back to work

Well I sure get all the shit jobs, but I never get the perks

Ole Johnny Paycheck and DAC had it right in that old song

I'm gonna take my job and shove it, right where it belongs

Feelin' like a treed coon with all the shit that I been through

My head is poundin' from all the barkin'

And then there's you

Behind 'em with your shotgun, gonna blow me straight to Hell

I'm feelin' like a treed coon, and the hounds have caught my smell

My wife done left me yesterday, she's taken up with some new sport

My kids all think that I'm a 'tard, an idiot and a dork

Well maybe they're all right ya know, an' what they say is true

But the last straw on this here hump, you know it's you

Feelin' like a treed coon with all the shit that I been through

Howlin' and droolin' and slaverin' fangs

And then there's you

Behind 'em with your shotgun, and I know you want me gone

I'm feelin' like a treed coon, and I don't have very long

When you and I, when we first met we didn't have a clue

What all would happen to us both 'cause of me and 'cause of you

What started out so awesome now has suddenly gone South

Ain't nothin' I can do, so I'm just gonna shut my mouth

Feelin' like a treed coon with all the shit that I been through

All them claws a-shreddin' the bark

And then there's you

Behind 'em with your shotgun, and I see you draw a bead

I'm feelin' like a treed coon, and a lift is what I need

When we were friends and hangin' out, well everything was great

Now what I see there on your face looks a helluva lot like hate

I'm outta here don't worry, you won't be seein' me around

Gotta get my ass down from this tree, get my feet back on the ground

Feelin' like a treed coon with all the shit that I been through

They almost got my tail that time

And then there's you

Behind 'em with your shotgun, and I know the end is near

I'm feelin' like a treed coon, Jesus get me out of here

Walking up Lambert Road in the Dark

2010-07-09T01:44:00.000-07:00

Walking up Lambert road, in the dark, on the come-latelys' shiny new blacktop

Where they pamper their Benzes and Beemers and Hummers (You believe it? There's Hummers on Lambert!)

Hallowe'en is but one week away, and the moon slashes jack 'o lantern shapes from the trees

Walked this road for damned near forty years of my life, and it still feels like a horror flick to me

The trees form a tunnel above me, the houses lay silent, like nobody's there

Down across Readin' Creek a few hounds are wound up, their voices carry in the brilliant night air

Strange movement in the bushes, north breeze filling cold, that rustles and rattles dead leaves

Always brings me right back to that time, when I had her, and lost her, that time makes me bleed

Why do I go up there, why tear it all open

What good can it do, what can I be hoping

to accomplish by living it all once again

Walking Lambert in the dark, my beginning, and my end

Such an idyllic place that it was to spend boyhood, (in daylight at least) it was fine

But it always held menace as well, that old road, however peaceful, rural, sublime

It held menace that hovered, that lingered, that bristled, that waited for you with foul breath

Menace overpowering, overbearing, terror clawing at your wake, run home fast or tonight dine with death

Childish fears, superstition, no credence can you give to such juvenile rantings as these

I told myself that too, when I felt it, when it came, 'til it took my Marie

Why do I go up there, why tear it all open

What good can it do, what can I be hoping

to accomplish by living it all once again

Walking Lambert in the dark, my beginning, and my end

We were happy, we were planning, we were aiming, we were jamming,

we were going to be husband and wife

Since I lost her I wander, not caring, not trying

for anything that resembles a life

I blame the road, and its evil, there's no way around it

that's the only way this can make sense

no way it could have happened, wasn't random, wasn't destined

it was evil, no more and no less

This old road thinks it's Hallowe'en every night of the year

And Hallowe'en was made just for killing

If you walk it, just be ready, don't go solitaire, don't go lightly

And don't go when the north breeze is filling

Don't go up there, not with loved ones, not with fun in mind, don't go lightly

up that old evil road in the night

Don't risk loved ones, don't risk everything, don't go lightly, don't go up there

fail to heed me and your soul dies tonight

Why do I go up there, why tear it all open

What good can it do, what can I be hoping

to accomplish by living it all once again

Walking Lambert in the dark, my beginning, and my end

Boomerang

2010-07-07T15:58:00.000-07:00

Your sweaty hands can grip me no longer

your aim is no longer hitting my mark

The light I had thought that you were shining

Was black light, it just makes my world get more dark

You're tryin' to keep too many balls in the air

and losing them all, every ball, one by one

Soon you'll be standing there, waving your arms

in an empty theater, onstage all alone

'Cause honey I ain't your boomerang

You've thrown me away one too many times

The string on this yo-yo just broke for good

And I'm rolling off to warmer climes

You're playing with dolls, puppets on strings

You ignore real people who actually care

The ones who tell you the unvarnished truth

You'd rather just hear what we think of your hair

Your audience shrinks a little more day by day

Your show's getting old, it ain't drawin' the crowds

If you bothered to read what the critics all say

You wouldn't be singing and laughing so loud

Well honey I ain't your boomerang

You've thrown me away one too many times

The string on this yo-yo just broke for good

And I'm rolling out of this theater of grime

People are laughing behind your back

You're making a fool of yourself, you know

You're smoking your real friends up like crack

While posers and yes-men fill your front row

The billboards, marquees, your name all in lights

You got top billing, I will give you that

But it's an empty script, and rather chilling

And I ain't stickin' around for the second act

'Cause honey I ain't your boomerang

You've thrown me away one too many times

The string on this yo-yo just broke for good

And I'm rolling off without glancing behind

Just one in a long line of toys to him

Something shiny to (p)lay with, he's had quite a few

He's pushed all your buttons and seen all your tricks

And he's at Toys 'R Us right now, buying new

A few months' diversion, is all that you are

To him you're one cookie on a very big tray

But you don't wanna hear it, and I'm out of breath

So it's so long, goodnight, and have a nice day

'Cause honey I ain't your boomerang

You've thrown me away one too many times

The string on this yo-yo just broke for good

And I'm rolling off 'cause you're wasting my time

Your script needs a rewrite, and it needs it soon

Before all the roustabouts fold up your tent

Your show's going under, your backers are here

demanding their money, but you know it's all spent

It might still be possible to save yourself

To drag your box office out of the red

But I don't think that you've got the guts to do it

'Cause the cheap seat acclaim has gone to your head

Well honey I ain't your boomerang

You've thrown me away one too many times

The string on this yo-yo just broke for good

So I'm rolling off and I relish the climb

Neptune's Song

2010-07-07T15:24:00.000-07:00

This is me mug-slammin' pub sing-along. And I have no idea why that one line keeps getting huge, lol. I've copied and pasted from the original over and over, even deleted it and re-typed it (shrug).

I need to go back to sea again

I've lingered in port for too long

There's nothing to keep me here any longer

It's time to sing Neptune's song

Well you popped up above my horizon that day

An enticingly lush little port

But your treacherous rocks, bars and currents

are making me cut my stay short

The relief when I first sighted land was intense-

The delights of the shore were alluring

But as always the draw of the land was illusion

Come the tide I’ll be slipping my mooring

Are there no safe harbors in the world left for me?

Each one that I visit brings disaster

To stay far at sea is the only way for me

to have a chance to remain my own master

I need to go back to sea again

I've lingered in port for too long

There's nothing to keep me here any longer

It's time to sing Neptune's song

But as soon as you're out of my sight far astern

The longing will return with a vengeance

Some safe place to anchor and rest my bones

Not to find one has been a life sentence

This old hull's waterlogged, planks and frames going rotten

Long streamers of weed trail behind

There's no place to careen, to patch and to clean

And it's only a matter of time

'Til my masthead dips below the surface,

And I go to meet old Davy Jones

The land's turned its back, and my hope's all gone black

Drifting sand will soon cover my bones but

It's time to go back to sea again

I've lingered in port for too long

There's nothing to keep me here any longer

It's time to sing Neptune's song

Jailbreak

2010-07-07T15:23:00.000-07:00

A life sentence without parole

That's how I was living

Resigned to it

A ten-foot cell of loneliness

I convinced myself I deserved it

I was doing the time

I must have done the crime

Not designed for love

Missing some crucial human quality

Everything confirmed it

Everyone I met confirmed it

Once in a while I heard footsteps

The jingle of keys

But they never stopped

At my door

And I stopped running to see

Became ok with it

I must be where I belonged

Stockholm Syndrome

Almost happy

Until the footsteps stopped

Outside my door

I didn't react at first

Must be hearing things

No visitors allowed, after all

'Til I looked up

There you were

Smiling through the bars

Key in your hand

No way, I'm dreaming

Rubbed my eyes

Looked again

And you were still there

Not wearing blue

But orange, like me

A jailbreak?

A partner in crime?

No way, I thought

But you unlocked the door

Held it open, beckoning

No way, I thought

An hallucination

So I stayed on my bunk

You called again

"C'mon man. Let's get out of here"

An abandoned pup, offered a milkbone

Longing, but not trusting

You coaxed me to the door

I smelled the grass

Saw the sunshine

Felt the warmth

Stepped out and embraced freedom

And you shoved me back inside and slammed the door

With a laugh

I cried, uncomprehending

Stood at the door for a month

With my hands thrust through the bars

Calling for you

Begging for you to come back

Hearing nothing but the echoes of my own screams

Until I gave up and went back to my bunk

Then I heard your footsteps again

It took me twice as long this time

To trust you enough

To run for the open door

And your smile

But eventually I went

The lure of redemption

Was too hard to resist

But you slammed the door again

And strolled off, whistling

I didn't call from the door

This time, but I still cried

It couldn't be intentional

A guard must have shown up

No one is that cruel, even in here

Benefit of the doubt

Not listening to your detractors

I was sure it wasn't your fault

Something else was stopping you

From freeing me

So I sat on my bunk and waited

'Til you came again

The last time you came I needed no coaxing

Maybe before, I waited too long

I went to you, still sure of your goodness

But you slammed the door closed again

That's when I realized

That I was never getting out

Even though you had the keys to all the cells

You could free us all, and yourself

But you chose to remain locked up

And would never let anyone else out

So I hung a towel over the window

And blocked my ears with toilet paper

And sat on my bunk

The Light of Morning

2010-07-07T15:05:00.000-07:00

I remember sleep

Sinking into the mattress

And sighing with bliss

Drifting down

Just surrendering

Knowing you have hours

And no pressing reasons to get up

When the light of morning comes

I remember it fondly, sleep

Such rejuvenation

Such tranquility

Such optimism

I remember sleep

Why doesn’t it remember me?

Only its half-assed twin

do I see

staring back at me

from the ceiling for hours

and nothing important to care about

When the light of morning comes

Please god let me sleep

Such drainage

Such instability

Such disintegration

I remember sleep

I doubt we'll meet again

Been gone too long to recover

Equilibrium

staring at myself

in the mirror for hours

And one important thing left to do

When the light of morning comes

How can you stand it?

2010-07-07T15:01:00.000-07:00

You wake up with bruises in the grim light of dawn

Spread on the makeup, so no one can see

Paste on a smile, and go through the day

Pretending you're happy, and safe, and free

What he does to you isn't love or even sex

Just a safe way for him to purge his twisted crap

You exist as his slave, as his toxic waste dump

And he goes merrily on his way, leaving you in the trap

Well I know the truth and it fills me with rage

That a so-called man could do this to you

To lock such a kind, gentle spirit in a cage

And I'm dying to help, so tell me what I can do

You say that there isn't anyone else who can love you

You say you deserve all the shit that you've gotten

You say that you're flawed, that you're bad, it's your fault

But there's nothing wrong with you, and it's his soul that's rotten

You're too damned smart to believe all his bullshit

You're too damned talented to be sealed in a cave

Too rare and too valuable to be allowed to die

There are too few like you, and you have to be saved

How can you stand it, to live like that?

To exist for his pleasure, to submerge your own soul?

You've so much to offer, but he couldn't care less

And the longer you're with him, the deeper the hole

Where do these “men” come from, from under what rock

do they all keep crawling? There are more here each day

What corruption of nature allows for their existence?

Who told them that life was for them to have their way?

They're savage little vermin, no heart and all teeth

Lacking the balls to be men on their own

So they beat you, and rape you, and leave you there broken

When where they belong is a cell built of stone

They catch you when you're young, and feel out of place

They tell you they need you, how pretty you are

They isolate you, say they're your only friend

So why are you home bleeding, while they're out at the bar?

They're just like jackals cutting weaklings from the herd

They seek out the vulnerable, the sad and the scared

They're oh so charming, when they're luring you in

By the time you realize what they are you've been snared

How can they stand it, to be like that?

They must realize that they're nothing but scum

Can they really believe what they're doing is normal?

Do they search for excuses, when they know there are none?

And you who have seen it, who know what goes on

Who have friends being raped, being beaten and abused

Yeah you, remaining silent, not getting involved

Might not be your crime, but you're still not excused

You know who you are, and you know the excuses

“I slipped on the ice”, “I walked into a door”

You know what it means, and yet you ignore it

Well your hugs and your silence aren't enough any more

If you don't try to help her, then it's partly your fault

That you're looking at her casket, standing there in the rain

I hope you can live with yourself when it's over

And he's off hunting with the pack once again

How can we all stand it, to leave them like that?

We all know about it, but we keep walking by

It's happening all around us, God damn it we know it

No one's doing anything, and I want to know why

Huh? I don't get it.

2010-07-06T12:42:00.000-07:00

I just watched "The Big Lebowski", after searching for "funniest movies" lists. I'm a Coen Brothers fan, I loved Raising Arizona (laughed like hell through the whole movie), liked "OH Brother! Where Art Thou?", so I figured it was a safe bet for some laughs. But "The Big Lebowski", sorry to say, wasn't funny at all. I mean John Goodman was funny, as always, but even he didn't get one out-loud laugh out of me. All the actors did a good job, it just wasn't a funny movie. And I certainly don't get the whole "cult" thing. Sorry to all you cult members.

Happy Independence Day

2010-07-04T06:25:00.000-07:00

We seem to be losing much of our independent spirit these days, And by that I mean independence from the government and particularly the two parties, but have a happy 4th anyway. Where's the corn-on-the-cob?

My World Cup pick

2010-06-28T06:15:00.000-07:00

I'm rooting for the team whose fans kill the fewest people.

You know what really pisses me off...

2010-04-26T07:50:00.000-07:00

...about this story? Well, read it first.

U.S. teenagers charged over suicide of Irish 'new girl' targeted in 'relentless' school bullying campaign

Nine U.S. teenagers have been charged with driving a 15-year-old 'new girl' from Ireland to kill herself, it has been revealed. Phoebe Prince faced an 'unrelenting' bullying campaign from fellow pupils after she started school in the Massachusetts town of South Hadley last year. The teenager, who had emigrated to the U.S. from County Clare with her mother and three sisters, was stalked and harassed from September until she killed herself on January 14. Pheobe was found hanging by her younger sister in a stairwell at the family home. She was still wearing her school clothes.

The 15-year-old was allegedly targeted by a group known as the 'Mean Girls' after she started dating a popular senior football player at her school. Pupils said Phoebe was called 'Irish slut' and 'whore' on Twitter, Craigslist, Facebook and Formspring. Her books were knocked out of her hands, items were flung at her, her face was scribbled out of photographs on the school walls, and threatening text messages were sent to her cell phone.

Announcing the charges, prosecutor Elizabeth Scheibel said: 'Their conduct far exceeded the limits of normal teenage relationship-related quarrels. 'The investigation revealed relentless activities directed towards Phoebe to make it impossible for her to stay at school. The bullying for her was intolerable. 'The actions of these students were primarily conducted on school grounds during school hours and while school was in session.' Mrs Scheibel revealed the Phoebe had suffered a 'tortuous' day when she decided to take her own life. She added: 'From information known to investigators thus far, it appears that Phoebe's death on January 14 followed a tortuous day for her, in which she was subjected to verbal harassment and threatened physical abuse. 'The harassment occurred while she studied in the school's library around lunch period, walked in the school's hallways near the end of the school day and after school, as she walked toward her home.' She added that numerous faculty members, staff members and administrators at South Hadley High School were aware of the bullying - some even witnessed physical abuse - and did nothing.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1262487/Phoebe-Prince-9-US-teenagers-charged-suicide-death-Irish-new-girl.html

Ok, beyond the obvious need to take the nine utterly worthless excuses for human beings that tormented the poor girl and remove them from the planet, there is so much more about this story that pisses me off, and so many more people than the nine defendants who need to pay for this crime.

The story showed an inspiring photo of a candlelight vigil of students at her school, showing how much they cared, and how much they miss their dear Phoebe. WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU WHEN SHE WAS GETTING BULLIED EVERY FRIGGING DAY IN FRONT OF YOUR NOSES? Laughing nervously or moving off would be my bet. Cowardly hypocrites, every friggin' one of you. You let her die just as much as if you stood on the dock watching her drown. Go ahead, tack every cute fluffy teddy bear on Earth to her fence, it won't ever make up for letting her be bullied to death. You'd better not call yourselves Americans in my hearing, because Americans don't allow bullying of the weak, you cowards.

And how can it be possible that "numerous faculty members, staff members and administrators at South Hadley High School were aware of the bullying - some even witnessed physical abuse - and did nothing"? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? And if it is true that staff did nothing, how can they retain their jobs while at the same time the school asks parents to believe that their children are kept safe at Hadley School? Someone from Hadley School wanna explain THAT one to me?

Here's the part that really, really makes me think that someone should bulldoze that school, and the town it sits in, and probably the state as well, and if they need a driver, let me be the first to apply:

"Mrs Scheibel said the investigation looked at whether the adults' failure to help Phoebe amounted to criminal behavior. 'In our opinion, it did not,' she said. 'Nevertheless, the actions - or inactions - of some adults at the school are troublesome.' An anti-bullying expert has said anti-bullying policies at Phoebe's school were not rigorous enough.

"Not criminal"? Doesn't Massachusetts have a "Good Samaritan" law that requires you to help? They put Seinfeld away with it in the last episode, didn't they? And "Troublesome"? Excuse me? You find it "troublesome" that supposed "educators" stood around doing nothing while they watched a girl be tormented into suicide? What is that, British understatement? It's a hell of lot more than "troublesome" to me, and I don't even have kids! DO NOT PROTECT THOSE CRIMINAL STAFF MEMBERS WHO ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN!

"Anti-bullying policies at Phoebe's school were not rigorous enough". And "But Marlene Snyder of Clemson University's Institute on Family and Neighbourhood Life said laws and policies don't necessarily help if schools don't follow through with intensive training for teachers and staff. 'In defence of teachers, very few of them have ever had training on bullying prevention, much less how to intervene without making the situation worse,' she said. 'Some people don't understand the dramatic and devastating effect that this kind of treatment can have on a child.'"

You've got to be shitting me. Not enough training? Ummm, does the fucking word COLUMBINE ring any bells with you so-called "teachers"? Do you really, really, really need to write down in the fucking school handbook that it's not permissible to knock people's books out of their hands, threaten and beat on them all day, call them "Irish slut", and follow them home? Really? Do you fucking so-called progressive, enlightened "teachers" REALLY need someone to tell you to step in and stop a fight before someone dies? Bulldoze the whole state. I'm serious.

They'll just have to buy bigger guns.

2010-04-23T20:15:00.000-07:00

Or maybe a Hummvee.

Police barred from penis enlargement

Fri Apr 23, 12:10 pm ET

JAKARTA (Reuters) – Forget about getting a job as a police officer in Indonesia's Papua if you have had your penis enlarged. You won't get it, according to local media reports citing the Papua police chief.

An applicant "will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged," said Papua police chief Bekto Suprapto, quoted on local website Kompas.com.

"If he has, he will be considered unfit to join the police or the military."

The ban was applied since the unnatural size causes "hindrance during training," said police spokesman Zainuri Lubis in Jakarta, quoted by news portal Detik.com.

Indonesia's remote easternmost province is home to Papuan tribes, many of whom are known for wearing penis gourds.

A low-level separatist insurgency has waged in the resources-rich part of Indonesia for decades and there is a heavy police and military presence there.

Papuans use a local technique to achieve the enlargement, according to a sexologist quoted by local newspaper Jakarta Globe, wrapping the penis with leaves from the "gatal-gatal" (itchy) tree so that it swells up "like it has been stung by a bee," the expert said.

(Reporting by Olivia Rondonuwu; Editing by Sara Webb and Sanjeev Miglani)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100423/od_nm/us_indonesia_police

For all of you who couldn't afford to take driver's ed.

2010-03-06T08:06:00.000-08:00

These are some things that the drivers around me have obviously never been taught.

1. Turn signals are warning devices for other drivers of what you ARE ABOUT TO DO. Not what you're already doing. Therefore, turning them on after you've already hit the brakes for your turn is useless, rude, dangerous, and stupid. So turn on your friggin' blinker BEFORE you start to do whatever it is your blinker is warning us of. Morons.

2. On-ramps are designed to give you the time and room to get up to the speed of the cars you're about to merge with, and to pick a safe spot to merge into them. That means that you should be actually LOOKING at the traffic on the highway for an empty spot LONG BEFORE YOU GET THERE. Waddling up the on-ramp at 30 miles per hour, redoing your eye makeup (yes, I've seen it), waiting until you get within thirty feet of a string of cars doing 75 before you look or accelerate, is useless, rude, dangerous, and stupid. So wake the hell up and LOOK, and look early for a spot to blend into, at THEIR SPEED. Idiots.

2. b. On-ramps are designed to give the guy behind you the time and room to get up to the speed of the cars he's about to merge with, and to pick a safe spot to merge into them, without being forced to wait for the last thirty feet of ramp to go from 30 to 75. Dragging your ass, making him and those behind him pile up behind you, so that all 5 of you reach the highway in a chunk together at 30 mph to merge with a string of cars doing 75 is useless, rude, dangerous, and stupid. So speed the hell up and pick a spot early to smoothly blend in with the highway traffic, at their speed. Dumbasses.

2. c. On-ramps are designed to give the guy ahead of you the time and room to get up to the speed of the cars he's about to merge with, and to pick a safe spot to merge into them without being pushed into a bad spot in traffic from behind. His adjustments in speed while picking his spot could mean braking. Sitting on his ass without allowing some space for his potential braking (and your accelerating) is useless, rude, dangerous, and stupid. So slow the hell down at first, let the guy ahead of you get some space, and pick a spot early to smoothly blend in with the highway traffic, at their speed. Retards.

3. Do I really have to mention cell phones? Ok, texting has been found to slow reaction time more than alcohol or marijuana. U cn wait 2 fnd out wat ur bff's bf hd fr lnch. Pinheads.

4. If you or your car are unable to do the speed limit, stay the fuck home. You useless, rude, dangerous, and stupid dimwits.

5. Passing lanes are for exactly that: passing. Loafing along at 60 in the passing lane, especially when you're staying in formation with the guy on your right, while cars pile up behind you is useless, rude, dangerous, and stupid. Get moving or get out of the way. Dolts.

I may add to this later. Ninnies.

If only this would work with women...

2010-02-23T06:13:00.000-08:00

'Lame' mosquitoes to stop dengue

Scientists are breeding a genetically altered strain of mosquito in an effort to curb the spread of dengue fever. The dengue virus is spread by the bite of infected female mosquitoes and there is no vaccine or treatment. Experts say the illness affects up to 100 million people a year and threatens over a third of the world's population. Scientists hope their genetically altered males will mate with females to create female offspring that will inherit a gene limiting wing growth.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8528417.stm

So the male mosquitoes carry a gene that limits the size of the wings on their female offspring. Girl mosquitoes won't be able to fly. Stuck in their little stagnant ponds 'n swamps, barefoot n' pregnant. Unable to leave and infect the world with their evil...

Makes me wonder what all the bats will eat.

Learn to friggin' check, will ya people?

2010-02-07T05:49:00.000-08:00

I got forwarded another alarmist email today, with an attached video about Muslim population growth. The narrator, in a dry documentary voice heavy with evil portent (almost wallowing, sensually squirming around in the inevitability of disaster like a movie trailer, although he didn't get to say "In A World...") told of how the population growth of Muslim immigrants in Europe was so much greater than their host countries' that within a "few short years", Europe would cease to exist except as a Muslim continent. It is a pretty alarming video, especially with the drum heavy, Muslim-ish-sounding music playing in the background, and fluttering red Flags of Islam dominating the demographic-graphics of little black construction-paper cutouts of 2.11 and 1.8 people. But it's false. The stats at their best are out-of-context and misleading, and at their worst are utter fabrications. Faked quotes, even.

To learn the truth took just one quick trip to snopes.com.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/demographics.asp

Now don't get me wrong. There are some alarming trends involving the effects of Muslim immigration that I AM concerned with, things like Sharia Law being somehow "added" to existing Common Law like what is being done in Great Britain. Or should I say TO Great Britain. I'm no expert on how it works, but being American, religious "law" of any kind being afforded any kind of legal equality with real law bothers the hell out of me. Religious "laws" MUST only be applied to those who voluntarily choose to follow them by joining that religion, and must not be applied to or have obedience expected from non-believers, and MUST NOT be enforceable by methods which violate the real law. Like "honor" killings (which show the exact opposite of honor; foolish pride). Nuh uh, nope, no killing your sister for rumors of fooling around, even if they're true!

Another thing that bothers me is the growing perception, nay expectation that criticism of Islam in any form is somehow "worse" than criticism of any other religious, political or ethnic body and should therefore be punishable. Death for drawing a cartoon? I don't friggin' think so. Made me want to draw some, except I suck at drawing.

But that has little to do with this video. Islam is not about to hump Europe out of existence.

So please. Friends, family, members of my bitter political argument email club (you're all wrong about everything, you know...), please, when you get something in your email that sounds like Al Gore's next Nobel Prize For Powerpoint presentation, or the next Dennis Quaid disaster movie, please do me a favor and check Snopes.com. Or Factcheck.org. Or somebody. I'm tired of doing it for you.

Thoughts on religion

2010-02-04T03:08:00.000-08:00

I was raised Catholic but it didn't stick.

The question of god's existence is unanswerable. God requires faith. Faith requires the absence of evidence. Evidence of god destroys faith in god. God requires faith. Evidence of god destroys god. Poof.

I'll play the odds dictated by the evidence (and lack thereof). There is no evidence of a god. Not even a partial print for Abby from the crime scene that is Earth. No carpet fibers from the trunk of God's car pulled off the trash bags in which "His" Haitians are being buried in their shallow mass graves. No divine DNA swabbed from the rectum of humanity. The beauty of a sunset is not evidence. The complexity of DNA is not evidence. The assumed improbability of what is called "randomness" being responsible for life is not evidence. The fact that we haven't yet found every fossil needed to close the case for evolution is not evidence. The fact that we don't yet understand everything is not evidence. Bird poop on your windshield shaped like Jesus isn't evidence.

Saying that the inconsistencies surrounding god are "part of 'God's Plan'", and that "we can't comprehend it" is not a trump card, it's a Trump card.

Religious people always say something like "I see evidence of god all around me", but they never share any of that "evidence".

What the evidence does say is that if there IS a god ruling the universe, he's either an alien with a chemistry set, or he's a complete asshole with a needy ego almost as large as Obama's, or he's a little kid making mud pies and poofing ants with a magnifying glass. None of them are worthy of worship.

When you submit to mythology, you're submitting to men. Plain, greedy men. Read the ten commandments. More of them are about worship and submission than good behavior.

Religion is just a third party, and it sure ain't Independent.

Religion is like Oil for Food; The premise sounds good, but it's a false premise administered by greedy, power-hungry men with much less altruistic agendas than stated.

Religion is a replacement for a healthy self-image, and a way to avoid responsibility.

As Religious Belief approaches 100%, the Coefficients of Rationality and Responsibility both approach zero.

If I have to appear in "God's Court" to be judged, I intend to countersue. And ask for punitive damages.

Here's a creation theory as plausible and well-thought-out as any: God is a lonely-but-elitist being who created the Earth solely for company, and designed it so that when we evolve to the point where we can figure everything out, we will be God's equal and therefore someone worth talking to. Once in a while God gets bored of waiting for us to smarten up and pokes a fault line with a stick, or mixes up the red and black ants to watch them fight. Oh, and God looks like Rene Russo. Maybe I'll build a museum down south somewhere (since it's not sinful to make shitloads of money when you're doing the Ant-lord's work).

Here's another Plausible Creation Theory: God is a small, underfunded department in the Galactic Bureaucracy of Love and Taxes, and are responsible for the raising of livestock on Feeder Planets. The Serpent was a remote cattle-monitoring/behavioral control droid, the Segmented Emoting Remote-Piloted Enhanced Neuronic Tranceiver (with Incendiary Shrubbery Defoliant upgrade), Eve was a redheaded guerilla from the Resistance, the Apple was Science, and humans were only allowed to obtain it because the dumbass monitoring in the Earth cubicle got his feet tangled in the network cables (about 15 God-minutes ago). And the Alpha Quandrant's IT Dept. is having their Teambuilding Diversity Retreat today, so we're on our own until after God-lunch. Boy, The Boss is gonna be pissed.

What is it with soccer?

2010-01-25T18:28:00.000-08:00

Deaths on every continent as a result of something the world press calls "hooliganism", as if it were a bunch of 12 year-old boys egging cars and toilet-papering houses on Halloween. Well, it's not eggs and toilet paper, it's riots and murders, over something as stupid as a bunch of people kicking a ball around, a sport that most of the fighters AREN'T EVEN PLAYING! IT'S AN EFFING GAME YOU IDIOTS! It's disgusting. And now, as shown below, it seems that people can't even play VIRTUAL soccer without violence.

ROME (Reuters) – An Italian man who argued with his son over Sony PlayStation tactics was recovering in hospital on Monday after the teenager stabbed him in the neck with a 15-inch kitchen knife, police and hospital officials said.

The man, identified as Fabrizio R., suffered a deep cut to the throat after his 16-year-old son, Mario, attacked him during an argument on Sunday over the soccer video game FIFA 2009.

Police said the argument broke out when the 46-year-old storekeeper offered his son advice on tactics to improve his play, and then turned the television off in response to his son's behavior.

Fetching a knife from the kitchen, Mario stabbed his father in the neck before returning to clean the weapon at the kitchen sink in front of his mother and leaving it to dry on the draining-board. Forty-six year-old housewife Monica B,. told Italian daily Il Corriere della Sera that she had no idea what had happened until her husband stumbled into the room, clutching his throat.

"I saw Mario come back into the room, he seemed calm, he went to the sink and I noticed him washing a knife," Monica told the newspaper. "Then my husband came into the room with a hand round his neck, dripping blood."

The teenager shut himself in his bedroom after the attack and made no attempt to resist arrest, police said.

The game had been given to Mario a few days earlier, as a birthday present.

"Mario is obsessed. He's forever playing on his PlayStation, and we bought him FIFA 2009 because we didn't want him playing violent games," his mother told Il Corriere.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100125/od_nm/us_italy_stabbing

Awww, man...

2010-01-20T15:46:00.001-08:00

Robert B. Parker, author of the Spenser, Randall, and Stone novels, died Monday at age 77. He was one of my favorite writers, and this sucks. For those who know Spenser only from the Robert Urich series, you don't know what yer missin'. Sure, it was great hard-boiled Private Eye stuff. But it had intelligence, heart, modern characters, and wit as well (Parker had both Master's and PhD degrees in English Literature).

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/obituaries/culture-obituaries/books-obituaries/7038200/Robert-B-Parker.html

Sucks, bad.

Blagojevich: A blogger's (and SNL's) dream.

2010-01-11T07:51:00.000-08:00

Blago: 'I'm blacker than Barack Obama'

The former Illinois governor outdoes himself in an interview with Esquire during the taping of "Celebrity Apprentice":

It's such a cynical business, and most of the people in the business are full of sh** and phonies, but I was real, man — and am real. This guy, he was catapulted in on hope and change, what we *hope* the guy is. What the f***? Everything he's saying's on the teleprompter. I'm blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived. I saw it all growing up.

Also, an unlikely-sounding claim:

David Axelrod called me the day after John Kerry lost to Bush — Wednesday — and he said, You need to think about running for president in 2008. A new face from the Midwest to challenge Hillary Clinton. He used to work for me. He had Obama in his stable already — he's a consultant, so he's just gathering potential talents. That's what these guys do — it's all about picking winners.

I emailed Axelrod to ask about the claim, and will update if there's a response. The view of Blagojevich as a potential presidential contender, however, has always largely been confined to the former governor himself.

UPDATE: David Axelrod emails:

Total and complete fabrication. I told Blagojevich in 2001 that I could not work for him for governor because I didn't believe he should run. I hardly would then recommend that he run for President. I had heard he was having meetings within a year of running for governor to discuss a presidential race. I thought that prospect was ludicrous.

http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0110/Blago_Im_blacker_than_Barack_Obama.html

Like I said before, he just doesn't get it.You're done, Rod. Give it up.

Another Palin woman with balls?

2010-01-06T15:54:00.000-08:00

Sarah Palin’s Daughter, Bristol, Sets Up Public Relations Firm

Jan. 6 (Bloomberg) -- Bristol Palin, the eldest daughter of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, has set up her own public relations firm, according to articles of organization filed with the state Commerce Department.
The single-member limited liability corporation will be known as BSMP LLC and based in Anchorage. Bristol Palin, 19, signed the document as the organizer.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/bloomberg/20100106/pl_bloomberg/aq0oyidtonr0

Maybe this is the Palin we should keep an eye on. See ya in 2032?

Remember ya heard it here first.

Cow

Idiota

2010-01-06T15:21:00.000-08:00

"BRATISLAVA, Slovakia – A failed airport security test ended up with a Slovak man unwittingly carrying hidden explosives in his luggage on a flight to Dublin, Slovak officials admitted Wednesday — a mistake that enraged Irish authorities and shocked aviation experts worldwide.

While the Slovaks blamed the incident on "a silly and unprofessional mistake," Irish officials and security experts said it was foolish for the Slovaks to hide actual bomb parts in the luggage of innocent passengers under any circumstances."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100106/ap_on_re_eu/eu_hidden_explosives

Now how stupid does someone have to be to not figure out ahead of time that hiding explosives in unknowing passengers' bags is a bad idea?

National Pubic Radio?

2010-01-04T14:35:00.000-08:00

*****

NPR using your tax dollars to insult you
Clarice Feldman

There's no question NPR is for the Administration and against its opponents but
with the nation being almost evenly split between the parties and the Tea Party
gaining support every day, how much chutzpah does it take for an organization
which gets a lot of tax revenue for operations to insult the tea party as it does
in this "Learn to Speak Tea Bag" video.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120344047

Update: Big Fur Hat adds:

It is time for NPR to be thrown on the ash heap of history. When tax dollars are
used to promote a video that is dripping with contempt for the tax payers themselves
it is time to stop feeding the beast.

Ok boys n' girls, lets recall what the term "teabagging" really means: dropping one's scrotum

into a sexual partners mouth. Well, Tea Partiers pay taxes too. The Tea Party is mainly about taxes, financial waste and large, intrusive government, on which NPR feeds. National "Public" Radio? Where is the honesty, objectivity and fairness -not to mention plain courtesy- that a public-funded network should be devoted to? If I were a member of the Tea Party, would I be an enthusiastic supporter of NPR? I would think not. Regardless of which party I belonged to.

Cow

A blues song...

2010-01-04T14:06:00.000-08:00

Did You See That

Standin' there at the bar just havin' a beer
after work and nuthin' much to take me home
when I caught some motion out the corner of my eye
It was a babe with a tray and... my oh my

Oh my God did you see that
Oh my God did you see that
I know she's too young, or I'm too old but
Oh my God did you see that

Well I shoulda known better than to do what I did next
But the way she moved put a whiplash in my neck
So I followed her 'round the corner watch her walk up the stairs
I knew it was stupid but I followed her right up there

(I'm tellin' ya, the way her hips moved under that skirt
The way she could balance that tray, dodge drunks and still flirt)

Caught up with her in the middle of a wailin' reggae crowd
Tried to get her number but the music was too damned loud
From the smile in her eyes I knew she knew what I was after
She put her hand on my arm and said "sure I'll get you a draft sir"

Oh my God did you see that
Oh my God did you see that
She saw it coming and she stopped me flat
Oh my God did you see that

Well I tucked in my tail retreated back downstairs
chugged my beer had to get the hell out of there
As I was leavin I could hear her laughin' with my friends
Another mistake I'll never hear the end of

Oh my God did you see that
Oh my God did you see that
(He ain't rich enough to be that fat!)
Oh my God did you see that

Blagojevich ain't too bright, is he.

2010-01-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

Rod Blagojevich, the disgraced, Dr. Cornelius-looking former governor of Illinois (that bastion of political integrity), is a contestant on Donald Trump's "The Celebrity Apprentice". The guy just doesn't get it, does he? After being thrown from office for trying to sell Obama's Senate seat he made the rounds: "The Late Show with David Letterman", "Today", "Good Morning America", "The Early Show", "The View", along with multiple programs on Fox News Channel, CNN and MSNBC where he proclaimed his innocence and insisted he would be vindicated. When hair and brazen denial didn't work, he sent his wife off to Costa Rica to star in a reality show called "I'm a Celebrity... Get Me out of Here!", and THEN went on to star in The Second City's musical entitled "Rod Blagojevich Superstar", and wrote a book called "The Governor: The Truth Behind the Political Scandal That Continues to Rock the Nation". The guy just ain't too bright, and doesn't understand how dumb he is. But what else could we expect from a man who appeared on "The Daily Show" and thought it was a real news program? A man who insisted his aides carry a hairbrush for him at all times, which he referred to as "the football"? A man of whom Judge James B. Zagel said "I don't think this defendant fully understands and I don't think he could understand...the position he finds himself in." But "The Celebrity Apprentice"? Trumpy'll probably boot him just from hair envy.

It's about friggin' time...

2009-12-31T14:18:00.000-08:00

I've been praying for years for something like this to happen. Enough of the little I-wanna-be-important weenies who only speak "on condition of anonymity because my telling you this shit is completely illegal and goes directly against my agreement with, and the good of, my employer and the public, and I don't have the balls to give up my job over a principle."

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34636278/ns/us_news-airliner_attack/

TSA subpoenas bloggers, demands sources

updated 8:49 p.m. CT, Wed., Dec . 30, 2009

WASHINGTON - As the government reviews how an alleged terrorist was able to bring a bomb onto a U.S.-bound plane and try to blow it up on Christmas Day, the Transportation Security Administration is going after bloggers who wrote about a directive to increase security after the incident.

TSA special agents served subpoenas to travel bloggers Steve Frischling and Chris Elliott, demanding that they reveal who leaked the security directive to them. The government says the directive was not supposed to be disclosed to the public. (Elliott is a regular contributor to msnbc.com.)

Frischling said he met with two TSA special agents Tuesday night at his Connecticut home for about three hours and again on Wednesday morning when he was forced to hand over his lap top computer. Frischling said the agents threatened to interfere with his contract to write a blog for KLM Royal Dutch Airlines if he didn't cooperate and provide the name of the person who leaked the memo.

‘Showed up in my box’
"It literally showed up in my box," Frischling told The Associated Press. "I do not know who it came from." He said he provided the agents a signed statement to that effect.

In a Dec. 29 posting on his blog, Elliott said he had told the TSA agents at his house that he would call his lawyer and get back to them. Elliott did not immediately respond to an e-mail seeking comment.

The TSA declined to say how many people were subpoenaed.

The directive was dated Dec. 25 and was issued after a 23-year-old Nigerian man was charged with attempting to bomb a Northwest Airlines flight as it approached Detroit from Amsterdam. The bomb, which allegedly was hidden in Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab's underwear, malfunctioned and no one was killed. Authorities said the device included a syringe and a condom-like bag filled with powder that the FBI determined to be PETN, a common explosive.

Near-miss attack
The near-miss attack has prompted President Barack Obama to order a review of what intelligence information the government had about Abdulmutallab and why it wasn't shared with the appropriate agencies. He also ordered a review of U.S. aviation security. The government has spent billions of dollars and undergone massive reorganizations since the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks to prevent such a tragedy from happening again.

The TSA directive outlined new screening measures that went into effect the same day as the airliner incident. It included many procedures that would be apparent to the traveling public, such as screening at boarding gates, patting down the upper legs and torso, physically inspecting all travelers' belongings, looking carefully at syringes with powders and liquids, requiring that passengers remain in their seats one hour before landing, and disabling all onboard communications systems, including what is provided by the airline.

It also listed people who would be exempted from these screening procedures such as heads of state and their families.

This is the second time in a month that the TSA has found some of its sensitive airline security documents on the Internet.

I'm still waiting...

2009-12-29T16:45:00.001-08:00

...for a congressman to say that he's willing to forgo congressional health care and sign up for the new bill.

Airport security

2009-12-28T18:27:00.000-08:00

What would have stopped the Nigerian Undiebomber is a whole body imager. But if we were proactive and used them, everyone would cry about invasion of privacy. But when we're reactive, and institute policies based on incidents, people cry about us not being proactive. Ya just can't win.

Guess it ain't Camelot after all...

2009-12-28T18:25:00.000-08:00

The president doesn't smile quite so much any more. Looks like the pressure's getting to him.

Dear Senators Snowe and Collins:

2009-12-20T06:45:00.000-08:00

I have a simple question. How can you call this legislation "health care reform", when it addresses not a single issue regarding why health care is so expensive? Regardless of how many government middlemen you insert in the process (those paragons of fiscal efficiency), and how many different hands you shift the money between, it's still going to cost thousands per day to stay in a hospital, an MRI is still going to cost $8000, drugs are still going to cost much more here than they do in Canada and elsewhere, and malpractice insurance is still going to be expensive enough to make doctors think twice about continuing in practice. So where is the reform? And where is tort reform?

Using insurance to pay for medical care was a bad idea when it was invented, and still is. The principle behind insurance is to spread a small risk among many insured. One of the first insurance policies in this country was written by a group of farmers who got together to insure each other's barns against fire, on the premise that maybe one or two barns might burn, but not so many that the rest couldn't pay for it. But when it comes to health care, EVERYONE'S barn burns down eventually. Everyone has a 100% of eventually needing more medical care than a lifetime of premiums can pay for. The only choice health insurance companies have to stay in business is to get rid of high risk people. It has always been that way, and will always be that way, until medical costs are low enough that a person's premiums have some chance of covering the costs. It is simple mathematics.

Therefore, as my representatives in the Senate, I direct you to vote against this legislation. Thank you for your time.

If you were eating here tomorrow...

2009-11-25T19:34:00.001-08:00

...you could have a piece of pie.

How can Maine be...

2009-11-06T19:48:00.000-08:00

...59% stoners and 53% bigots at the same time?

It's hard to credit that people can be that greedy

2009-10-22T22:39:00.000-07:00

Pay "czar" Feinberg (does the fact that every damn government adviser has to be a "czar" irritate everyone as much as it does me?) got to cut some incompetent bankers' and car makers' pay packages today, and I bet it felt really good. But "Recent news that Goldman Sachs Group Inc (sic) had set aside $16.8 billion for compensation, so soon after repaying $10 billion in taxpayer money, fueled concerns that Wall Street was already returning to the lavish pay practices that were commonplace before the financial crisis struck."

"Feinberg hinted the bailed-out firms did not seem to get the message adding that without exception, all of the pay plans that they submitted were inconsistent with the public interest."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20091022/bs_nm/us_financial_pay_5

I was in a Bank of America branch a couple of weeks ago, waiting for my boss to withdraw cash to pay me, and some manager leech actually walked out of her office, came over to me and said "People hanging around in sunglasses make us nervous. Are you with (my boss)?" I was pissed, so I answered "yes, but I have my passport if you'd like to see it." She proceeded to ask me what I did for him etc., with seemingly no idea what a rude idiot she was being. I was so taken aback that I couldn't think of anything to say, so I gave her minimal answers. This is the same bank which charges me $6 to cash my own paycheck, unless I start an account there. Highly friggin' unlikely. These people are incredibly oblivious to the image they project. They just don't get it, do they? If I had any assets in any of those companies, I would be yanking them out sooooo fast... It pisses me off to no end that my money goes to save these supercilious, smug, greedy bastards, just to watch them hand out bonuses and act like there was never any crisis, and that they earn every penny, even though without your and my help they'd all go under. "Too big to fail"? Bullshit. Let 'em go under.

R.I.P. Soupy Sales

2009-10-22T22:33:00.000-07:00

One of the classy ones.

The classless of '09

2009-10-22T19:36:00.000-07:00

I see very little class in Hollywood/L.A. these days. The latest batch of "stars" are nothing but drugged up, feuding, dime-a-dozen waste products called "starlets", and graceless, wimpy little pretty boys who think tattoos and acting like assholes make them look tough. Their egos make me laugh. The singers can't sing without computers to put them back on pitch, and the ability to hold a note is apparently a lost art. And the acting? Bah. Where are the Cary Grants and Katherine Hepburns? The Paul Newmans and Meryl Streeps? The Aretha Franklins and Tony Bennetts? Instead we have Lindsay Lohans and Justin Timberlakes, John Mayers and Nelly Furtados. People who can't even go out to dinner without causing a scene, usually out of some self-awarded sense of deity. (Didn't anyone ever tell them not to piss off the person that's making their food? Have they never seen the kitchen scenes in"Caught on Tape"? Sushi isn't supposed to smell like ammonia, ya know.). People who think everyone on Earth needs to prostrate themselves before the greatness of their talent. People who no doubt embarrass their mothers every time they open their mouths. Take some of those ridiculous salaries, buy some class, do your jobs and stfu! While you still have jobs!

WTF is wrong with Oklahoma?

2009-10-21T19:35:00.000-07:00

Like someone else said, why don't they just tattoo a big red "A" on their foreheads? Would be more honest...

Two women are challenging an Oklahoma law that will require the state to create a Web site where any woman who has an abortion will have to provide intimate details about her choice -- including her relationships, financial situation and even her motivation for seeking the abortion.

A Michigan protester's murder sparks national fury over the abortion debate.

"A friend said it best: It's like undressing women in public, exposing their most personal issues on the Internet," said Lora Joyce Davis, one of the plaintiffs working with the New York-based Center for Reproductive Rights to fight the law, which goes into effect Nov. 1.

Called the Statistical Reporting of Abortions Act, the law requires all doctors to file information on a woman's age, marital status, education level, number of previous pregnancies, cost and type of abortion, as well as the mother's relationship to the father, with the Oklahoma Department of Health.

Though it does not ask for names, the form poses 37 questions detailing a woman's personal situation. Critics say the first eight questions alone could easily lead to the identification of a woman who lives in one of the state's many small communities.

"This law asks for so much information, and they are going to put it on the Internet for public scorn," said Davis. "Women who have abortions are considered murderers by many people, and you are going to put the name of a town of 200 and the fact that the girl is 17 and it's her first pregnancy and she in the 10th grade. People are going to know who it is."

Many questions fish for more, critics say. "Was there an infant born alive as a result of the abortion?" and "Was the abortion performed within the use of any public institution?"

Doctors who fail to provide information would face criminal sanctions and loss of their medical license.

While the litigants object to the invasion of privacy, their lawsuit challenges the law on more technical grounds. It charges that House Bill 1595 covers more than one subject and therefore violates the state constitution.

The plaintiffs hope to delay implementation of the law and the planned March 1, 2010, launch of the Web site.

Last month, the organization used the same argument to successfully strike down a 2008 law that would have required women seeking abortions to have an ultrasound within an hour of the proceedings and require doctors to describe the picture to their patients in great detail -- down to the numbers of finger and toes.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/oklahoma-abortion-law-requires-women-disclose-personal-details/Story?id=8838428&page=1

Are there any well-run companies left in the world?

2009-10-19T16:12:00.000-07:00

Doesn't seem to be many left. I'm not talking about just companies run by egotistic idiots that fail and take half of us with them, like banks or car manufacturers. I mean companies that are bearable to work for, for those of us who AREN'T unimaginative worker drones. Companies that promote on merit, not on yes-man skills. Companies that realize that their employees generate all their income and deserve to be compensated with a livable wage and benefits. Companies who value imagination and foresight in their managers, at whatever level, so that when plans are made, at least the most obvious flaws are seen and dealt with before the plan is implemented. Companies that realize that cutting frontline staff is not always the best place, nor should it always be the first place, to start when cutting costs. Companies that actually pay attention to what their employees are doing all day, so that 4 out of every 8 man-hours are not spent texting boyfriends and forwarding 50 year-old jokes and inspirational little friendship chain letters. And people say Bush ruined the economy. What a joke. The economy sucks because companies suck. The economy sucks because CEOs suck at their jobs. The economy sucks because people aren't doing their jobs. Period.

I call 'em female comb-overs.

2009-10-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

Ya know those middle-aged women who wear their hair long and close to their eyes, to cover up laugh lines? Ain't foolin' anyone...

Cowcharge's Law of Verbodynamics

2009-10-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

As f(Bs) and f(Wtf) --> Nbl, and (Az+Hol) --> Oh, (U+Ly)+(.)(.)+(Ys/Wcn)=O/b

As the Coefficients of Oratory (Bs) and Gullibility (WTF) approach infinity (Nbl), subject to the behavioral modifier Character (Az/Hol) as it approaches zero (Oh), the variables Integrity (U+Ly), Action (.)(.) and Hope (Ys/Wcn) all approach zero (O/b). *

*Link to Mathematical proof: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091009/ap_on_re_eu/eu_nobel_peace

Congratulations Chicago!

2009-10-05T16:20:00.000-07:00

You dodged a huge bullet of debt and embarrassment by avoiding having to host the Olympics. You know as well as I that you would get stuck paying for the inevitable cost overruns as Daley and Obama's buddies mismanaged things and lined their pockets with development money. Besides, wouldn't you rather turn on your TV to see Brazilian waxes than beer bellies with Bears logos on them?

Advertisers...

2009-10-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

...be aware, that I vow to NEVER buy anything from an advertiser who uses pop-ups. EVER.